How to "talk"?

I tried to post this morning, but ran stuck at how to "talk" about what I needed to "talk" about. I'm still finding it difficult! But I want to explain the earlier call to prayer, and to again thank you for those prayers. We have been carried on your prayers all week.

Last Monday, we received a call from our adoption agency. It was a referral call. They then sent us pictures and information about a precious little one. With a Special Needs referral you can accept or decline the referral.

We were caught quite off guard. First of all it was so soon! Not that we wouldn't be happy to avoid the wait and bring our Jaden home as soon as possible. But also the referral was not what we "had in mind." So Brandy and I spent the last week in heartfelt prayer and discussion to discern what was our will and what is God's will.

You see, this precious little boy with a club foot is 3 years old. He's only 8 months younger than Tye. Both Brandy and I were fine with his club foot. His "disability" wasn't making us hesitate. Brandy was surprised at the referral of a boy, he had been expecting a girl, but really, boys are great, too! But mostly it was his age and the proximity to Tye. But how could we say "no"? Was this God's plan for our family? Cuz if so, then yes, it would work out and yes, we would be the family God destined for us to be.

After talking with some amazing prayer warriors and our pastors, who did not give us advice on what to do, but how to listen to God, we came to a decision this weekend.

Today (not yesterday because of the holiday), I called our agency and told them, no, that we would not be taking the referral. It was a very hard call to make. I literally had my hand on my Bible for support. Our Family Coordinator was wonderful. No hesitation or disappointment (I was disappointed to be telling her this!) in her voice, only reassurance that his forever family is out there and they will find them. And reassurance that our Jaden is out there as well.

Brandy and I believe this is the hardest decision we've ever had to make. But we believe that this is God's will and He has a plan. Even though it was a tremendously tough decision, we are at peace with it. We have the peace that can only come from God and also that is enabled through awesome prayer warriors, so again we thank you.

Later today an email came with six children in this Special Needs referral batch that had not yet been placed with families. There was one little boy that my heart cried out to. Is he the one...I thought. Is he our Jaden?

Tonight I had the privilege of getting together with women (and men) from our community for encouragement and prayer. Tomorrow we are starting a Beth Moore Bible study. During the awesome heartfelt prayer time, I could hear God speaking to my heart.

He pointed out how I feel for these orphans, and how I would love to take them all into my arms and take them home. Then He pointed out that that is how HE feels about all the lost ones. All the hurting. All the "orphans" that aren't in the arms of their Heavenly Father because they haven't yet accepted Him. His heart hurts like mine...even much more so than mine.

He also made it clear that He has a home for this second little boy...and it isn't our home. To which I replied more than once..."are you sure? really?"

I shed a few tears tonight. Cleansing tears. Tears for the children without mommies. Tears that these two little boys are not my little boys. Please pray for all the orphans. Children without families and people without their Heavenly Father. God Bless You!