Mama Blues

Last night was tough for me. Brandy and I got into a bit of a heated discussion because I was being pushy (sorry, hon!) and then the world just kind of crashed on me. I started to cry. Not the let it all out, feel better type cry. But the I'll feel awful in the morning type cry.

Thank the Lord I feel better and more at peace today. But last night everything seemed to pile on my head. Will I be a good mom to Jaden? What if I'm not prepared enough to make the transition easy as possible for him? Why can't I be more organized? I want to get Jaden now! But wait, I've got so much to do before he comes! How will I ever get it all done? (nesting, you think?) I need to take better care of myself so I can take better care of Jaden, manage the trip, and help make the transition easier for Shianne, Sierra and Tye. And of course the arguement with my hubby, which he took much better than I did. We have some decisions to make and we just aren't making them (or better said, Brandy has some decisions to make and I'm being impatient).

I knew in my head that these doubts about myself were not from God, but from the evil one. But it was so hard to tell my heart that!! Until Brandy put his head on me and prayed. Then the peace came. Praise the Lord. He is the ultimate peace giver.

I know that I'm the best Mommy for Jaden. Otherwise God wouldn't make it so.

During our conversation, after I had calmed down. I told Brandy I was also a bit concerned for Tye. Even tho he's four, and he'll absolutely love a brother, he's still my baby and he knows it. He might feel a bit displaced for a while.

Brandy told me Shianne had the same concern. In a recent conversation he had with her, she said she was worried about how Tye would be when Jaden came home. She wasn't at all concerned about how it would affect her, because as she said, "I've been through it twice."

What a Shianne!! You just have to love that girl.