How's it Going? Really?

Man, that's a loaded question! A hard one to answer. A friend, Shondra, (also my stylist, who called wondering why we weren't at our scheduled hair appointments...eek!) asked me that question tonight. I get asked that a lot. And sometimes, even to those who really want to know, I give the "pat" answer to. Maybe cuz it's a loaded question...not so easy to answer. Unless you have an hour to discuss it. Unless I have loads of time to really explain. Unless I can even put it into words.

Cuz how can I really explain...

• That even with all they've gone through...all my kids are, well, kids?
  
  
• That even though I love them with everything in me, sometimes I just don't love them like I should?
  
  
• That one minute everything is going good, and the next everything/everybody falls apart?
  
  
• That even though spring planting hasn't been going on that long...being a Mom without a Dad is very very hard?
  
  
• The happiness of two 3 year olds running around naked before bedtime or a bath? =)
  
  
• The already closeness of two sisters the same age...who love being "twins"?
  
  
• The tension between the oldest in the family and a girl who used to be the oldest in the family? Can you say "pecking order"?
  
  
• Figuring out who really is in the wrong when you can't understand 3/4s of the story?
  
  
• How tiring it is trying to figure out what your kids really want you to know, and keep trying to tell you either in their native tongue or through charades?
  
  
• Being a referee all day long?
  
  
• Holding. Time ins. Yes, I refused to do them and then in exasperation (I guess?) started doing them. How do I explain that even though I'm holding a child fighting me with everything in him, in the long run it has helped him so much emotionally? It has helped him bond with me more?
  
  
• Just how exhausting, mentally and physically, time-ins are? Especially when there are sometimes 3+ a day?
  
  
• How wonderful it feels when the child with the most time-ins actually has a time-in without fighting against you?
  
  
• Being awestruck at the awesomeness of this family that God put together from 3 different worlds?
  
  
• The joy in a smile? In a tight hug? In an "I love you, Mom"?
  
  
• The joy in seeing the kids who are used to being here longer, being patient with the kids who aren't so used to it, and with a mom who's quite tired at times?
  
  
• How proud I am of every single one of my kids?
  
  
• How proud I am of my husband, who's developing a patience I've never seen in him before?
  
  
• How even though every week is better, I'm more tired, so I'm leaning on God harder and harder (He's holding me up most days, I'm betting)?
  
  
• How right now I'm collecting 9 "samples" of poop for the doctor?
  
  
• How it's hard to chose what things we can go to and what things we can't?
  
  
• How even though I lay in bed many times missing my old life...I wouldn't give up a single one of my kids? Not for all the money in the world? or energy?
  
  
• How aside from wishing we were further into the adjustment and English language, I wouldn't change a thing? If I could do it all over again I would?
  
  
• How I'm successfully fighting off PAD (post adoption depression) this time (Praise the Lord!!!!!!!) thanks to working with a physical trainer who pushes me to my limits?
  
  
• How do I explain that I am NOT doing this...that GOD is? No matter what people think? And that YOU TOO can do whatever God calls you to do? That I'm a prime example that He doesn't call the equipped but equips the called?

Keep asking. I love it that you ask. Although I do ask that you not be offended if I give you my pat answer. Cuz how do I explain all of this? But I feel loved when you ask truly wanting to know and caring.

I'm going to end with a quote from Nicole Johnson (you can find her at freshbrewedlife.com) that I read yesterday that totally resonated with me:

"The truth is, motherhood's the hardest thing I've ever done. I've never been more tired in my life, I've never felt less like myself--and yet, I've never loved anything more."

You tell it, Sister!