Musings

Well, we had a good Labor Day weekend. I do intend to post pictures and tell of the fun of Jaden's first Labor Day...but now I'm kinda in the mood to think out loud if you'll put up with me for a few minutes. Time is getting away from me these days! I'm afraid it will only get worse once daycare starts (next Thursday) and even worse when harvest starts and I'm practically a single mom for a while. Oh well, such is life.


Here's one picture from yesterday. Jaden did very well, considering. He does NOT like crowds. It's been suggested to me that he's not used to crowds, which could very well be. I kinda think tho that he wonders, "what now?" "where am I going?" "will we move again?" "will I stay with these people or someone new?" Sad thought...and hopefully one time will heal with minor scarring. I feel it will be with him his whole life...but God works all things for good, so I'm sure the Great Healer can use Jaden's trying little life in many good ways.


In this picture we finally found some shade (it was a bit on the hot side yesterday!) and a safe place to set him down. He had had enough and was letting us all know it! And he was very happy to sit and chew on rocks. I tried to discourage that a little by feeding him his favorite...cheerios...but at that point I didn't figure a few extra minerals would hurt him too much!


On to my thoughts...


Tonight our friend Joni (click on her name to check out her journey spending 2 years in missions in Africa! It's amazing) came over for supper and to meet our new little guy. We were quite excited and thankful when we left for China (and now) that she could house sit for us most. She took care of our 9 dogs and 3 puppies, watered the garden and flowers, kept up the house, got groceries for me before we came home, and even made sure the puppies got to the broker with the proper paperwork. It was nice to know things were being well taken care of at home. It was great to sit and talk tonight. I'm sure we could do that many times and not run out of things to talk about! And the kids loved showing her all their stuff, too.


We watched some video of China while she was here. I haven't watched too much of it since we've been back. I am amazed at Jaden's progress. Seeing the wiggle worm now, I almost doubted myself how quiet and still he was at first...even after we had him for a week. I watched a video of the 3 of us in a restaurant with our guide in Nanchang. He was in a high chair and we were trying to get him to play and get him to react. Today Jaden, Tye and I went out for lunch with friends, and while he was very good for a toddler, it was quite the different scenario! Is this the same little boy? Of course, but it's just amazing how far he's come.


From only being able to sit at 15 months...a toy rolls away and he just quietly looks at it...defeated because it's out of reach...and moves on to another. To crawling like crazy, pulling himself up on furniture and walking around it. From not knowing what to do with a ball to chasing one around the house or playing catch with Dad. From not knowing how to feed himself to shoving cheerios in. From not liking to put any weight on his legs to being able to walk with help! From being very quiet to being quite heard! From not crying to screaming his head off on occasion!


Yesterday he learned to wave bye-bye! Tonight he "practiced" standing on his own! He would pull himself up on me, and then let go and stand for a second...smile and laugh and do it again. Wow. It's so much fun to watch him develop. I stand in awe of the power of love and the Author of Love.


On the flip side...it makes me cranky. Today I looked at a picture of my Jaden...our referral picture. I'm guessing he's about 6-7 months old and is still in foster care. He has a great big smile and has a head full of hair. Then the pictures of him from the orphanage...no smiles. And now...his hair is very thin. The doctor thinks it's probably malnutrition. Why, why, why? I guess I should ask why is there so many injustices in the world? Sin would be the answer to that one. But it just makes my mother bear instincts kick in and I want to say, "what is wrong with you? why didn't you take better care of my baby?" and I just want to cry.


And then there are all the "white lies." It seems obvious to us that the "history" and "schedule" we got for Jaden were not completely true...as with other babies/children we saw while there. All part of "saving face" I imagine. I don't care about saving face, just tell me the truth.


One thing in China's defense that I've been meaning to post for a while. At the beginning of our journey, when we thought we were on the path to a baby girl, we explained to many people why there are so many many girls and literally no healthy boys in orphanages in China. Because people in China for the most part can only have one child. And in their culture boys carry on the family name and also take care of you in your old age (no social security). And we told them how they are running short of girls in China (if what I've been told is right, it's about 100 girls to 130 boys) because of this. Many girls are aborted or deserted (some in places they will be found, some in places where they are left to die) in hopes of a boy.


Well...we were wrong. We were right...but wrong. We were being way to general. While in China we saw many families with one little girl...and they looked delighted with their child. It got me thinking. In a country with 3.3 billion people...if 5% of people desert their girls...that means hundreds of thousands of girls in orphanages. Well, here in the States 5% of people do bad things, too. Or worse. I'm sorry that I generalized...put all the Chinese people into one category. It was prejudiced of me. Uneducated. Which is where much prejudice comes from.


All my musings can probably be summed up in this. On this journey I've found that I love the Chinese people. My heart aches because so many many are lost. I do not, however, love their government. I am very privileged to live in a country where I can say that out loud and in print. And I am so grateful to the Lord for giving me yet another beautiful, wonderful, amazing child. Thank you, Lord!


Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute...you didn't grow under my heart, but in it! I love you, Jaden John Jian!