Dancin'...

I have someone(s) in my life who tells me that they know me better than I know myself. This puzzles me, and of course it isn't true. They like to tell me I really don't know what's going on in my life.

Hmmm...have you noticed that about me? I mean YES, I can be quite scatterbrained, but they tell me I have my head in the sand and live in denial about my life. They say they know my husband and my children better than I do. They say they know my emotions, and that I don't. In fact, they imply that most of the time I don't truly know what I'm feeling. So if I say I'm feeling one way and not another...well, that's just not true, they say. Hmmmm....puzzling.

Actually, no...it's not puzzling. It's wrong. It's simply not true. But it's been going on for many years, and I've allowed it.

It's been a rough week. But yesterday, I had an amazing thing happen. I was doing my aerobics. One of the dvds I've done for about 3 or 4 years now. So I know it pretty well. Lately I've been turning off the sound and either listening to my ipod or my stereo. Since I've about got it memorized I can follow it without the verbal cues. If I'm listening to talk radio or music that I love then exercise time goes much much faster. Yesterday I was listening to Nicole C. Mullen. Gotta love that girl.

All of a sudden, instead of following the aerobics instructor exactly, as I usually do, I break out into a dance. (I love to dance to praise music!). It occurs to me even if I'm not following the instructor exactly, I'm still exercising. I don't need to do it the exact way. I can taylor it a bit to fit me.

I'm dancing and I realize I'm finally emotionally free. I no longer hear their words in my head. Telling me who I am or who I should be. I am Carey. I am ME. I can dance to my own drum! I was created to dance to my own drum! As long as Christ is my drummer.

Hallelujah! I LOVE IT!