Discouraging News

Well, yesterday we found out that Jaden is no longer in foster care, but in the orphanage. We think he's been there a while. We had heard that sometimes when children who have the rare blessing of being in foster care get a family, they move them to the orphanage. Why, I don't know. But sometimes this is not the case and so we were hoping for that.

We really wanted one less adjustment for him (sigh). It brings tears to my eyes to think about it. He's probably in a good orphanage, but I picture my little boy used to sleeping in the same bed with his foster mamma one night, and then going to sleep in a crib, by himself, with lots of strange noises the next. I so wanted him to go from sleeping with his foster mom to sleeping with me!! But that is not to be. I am comforted by the fact that he is indeed not sleeping alone, but cradled in the arms of our Lord...now...and after we get there.

We were told tho that he has the ladies in the orphanage all wrapped around his little finger! So that's fun news.

I'm in awe at how much this journey is like my pregnancies. Minus the puking and the intense fatigue (being pregnant is not so fun for me). But otherwise I'm more emotional, I'm totally nesting, and I'm gaining weight (had hoped to avoid that one!! LOL)!

A while back I had talked about the mixed emotions of wanting Jaden home now, but yet feeling like I had so much to do first. And the emotions of wondering if I'm ready for four kids, and other things. Kinda like when I was 8 months pregnant with the other kids. I remember thinking, "I had eight months to prepare and I'm not ready!" Well, up until yesterday, I kinda felt the same way. Wanting Jaden home so badly, yet not feeling ready. Mixed emotions. Well, after hearing that he's in the orphanage, no longer being loved by his foster mom, that immediately changed. I don't care if I'm not ready, I want him home NOW! Guess I've now entered the last half of the 9th month of pregnancy, when you're so miserable you don't care what you have to do to get that baby out! You just want to hold him in your arms...