Survival

Melissa Faye Greene is a wonderful author. If you haven't read "There is No Me Without You" go get it...today. Especially if you are adopting from E or anywhere in Africa.

This post is prompted by the death of an amazing woman, the person about whom the book was written, Mrs. Haregewoin Teferra. The world's loss...Heaven's gain.

I discovered her website this morning. Along with being an author, she is woman who has adopted older children, some from E...and she is very realistic. In fact, if you are just considering adoption, I would NOT visit her site. She lays it all out on the table in the post I read, listing mostly the negative things (although referencing that it's all worth it in the end). I get the feeling she wants to prepare new adoptive parents of older children for the bad things that may, and will, happen. Some adoption agencies are quite bad at preparing their clients. However we have an agency that is trying to prepare us for the good and the bad. But, like our gal at the agency says, they really can't totally prepare us.

If you're married...was your first year all roses like you thought it would be?

If you have children...is every day a joy like you thought it would be before they arrived?

Guess what I'm trying to say is, could anyone have really prepared you for those events? Truly? I think not. Some things you have to experience for yourself.

That said, as wonderful as our upcoming adoption is. It is very likely that it will be the hardest thing we have ever done.

Back to the website...she has a very good list that I'm going to share here so I can find it back (and feel free to remind me of it).

Also, if you are already in the adoption process and do feel like your new child(ren) is going to make your life a bed of roses, please visit her website HERE.

"My tips for getting through a rocky and nauseating depression after the arrival of your child:

(1) Take really good care of yourself; do whatever it takes to get enough sleep, including spending the night at a friend’s, including arranging for naps. Nothing else will work if you’re sleep-deprived.

(2) Make yourself eat and shower and exercise.

(3) Get help. Hire help if you need to. While a babysitter is there, sleep or exercise or read or eat.

(4) Put Feelings on a back-burner. This is not the time for Feelings. If you could express your feelings right now, you’d be saying things like, “Oh my God, I must have lost my mind to think that I can handle this, to think that I wanted a child like this. I’ll never manage to raise this child; I’m way way way way over my head. I’ll never spend time with my spouse or friends again; my older children are going to waste away in profound neglect; my career is finished. I am completely and utterly trapped.” You see? What’s the point of expressing all that right now? Just put Feelings to sleep. Instead, live a material life. Wake, dress, eat, walk. Let your hands and words mother the new child, don’t order Feelings into action.

(5) Pick up something to read that carries you away. I’ve found that reading about Paleolithic art engenders deep calm and a sense of remove. There’s something about studying 40,000 year old cave painting that makes you feel you can survive the sound of your new child’s voice the next morning.

(6) Let yourself off the hook. This is not your fault. You’ve done a grand thing—you’ve gone out into the world in search of a child and, despite every obstacle over tens of thousands of miles, you’ve brought the child home. You’re exhausted. This is all really hard. If it were easy, everyone would do it. You’re doing fine. Just rest up, find something to laugh about, and give Feelings the month off."