Musings

My next post will be (unless something more exciting happens before then...what?!? in our house?) a several part series on our trip to Ethiopia. Right now, however, I got the urge to muse.



Things are going quite well. I've been out and about a few times now, and my pat answer to people is, "Things are going really well. There are some adjustments to be made, but overall things are going wonderfully." Pat answer for two reasons...one...there are some people just being polite (which is nice, too) who don't really have time for a 20 minute conversation. And two, because I get asked over and over. Believe me, I don't mind a bit! But I can be short on time as well. My goal is to let people know that it is going very well, all things considered. Much better than I expected. Yet, it can be overwhelming and tiring and frustrating at times.


Yesterday was one of those frustrating days. Gabe Asmelash likes to push his limits, and yesterday that was quite often. This is normal for any child, especially one in a brand new situation. Every child needs to know where his boundaries lie.


However, it can get a little tiring on Mom when it seems to go on all day. Pestering his sisters to get a rise out of them. It's "lovely" to have kids arguing and you really don't know for sure which one is the trouble maker of the argument. Also, for Gabe, when I ask/tell him to do something and know he understands, he sits like a statue and stares blankly at me because he doesn't want to do it. I explain to him in easy language (which they all understand by now) to do what I say or "sleep" (time out in bed). And pretty much every time I end up picking him up and putting him in his bed. Then it's how far can I get off the bed before I get in trouble.


Time outs generally are considered not good by the adoption community. You're trying to establish a relationship, one which you are together, not alone. But I need some type of discipline. So as a concession, I either sit with them in time out or in a room close by. Time "ins" are also used. Where I put him on my lap. Generally according to all the books that's the method to use. However if a child is really upset I don't like to force them into sitting on my lap, because my lap should be a good thing. Time ins have worked well a few times with Gabe when I'm doing phonics and he refuses to participate. Please don't think I'm forcing him to do exactly what I want every minute. But when Mom says you need to come...you need to come or be disciplined.


Summer Firewoyni still has tantrums at times, but they are much less. I think actually, they are a good thing. Tantrums are a way of getting the frustration at all the life changes out. Most of the time she is a very happy little girl. One you just have to smile at cuz she's so stinkin' cute! She also has the benefit of adjusting faster cuz she's only 3.


I've had a few struggles with Svanna Feruz as well. Attitude. Shianne calls her "sassafrass" to me because she "sasses" quite a bit. But again, she needs to adjust and find her place in her new world. She totally reminds me of a teenager. One moment happy and content, the next frustrated as ever with her Mom. This one has been a little harder for me. The rolling of the eyes, the looking at me like I know absolutely nothing and I'm totally absurd. The stomping off. Not doing what I know she wants to do to "punish" me. Which in fact is only punishing herself. Yes, good practice for teenagers!


Last night Shianne had her spring concert and science fair at school. Things came to a head as I asked Svanna to pick up the garage with Gabe and Jaden. It's fairly customary for her to say no to me. But then I say yes, she may say no one more time but then usually complies. For some reason she thought this request was over the top, and after a bit ended up yelling "no" in my face. That doesn't go over very well with this mamma. So we did the whole "do what mom says or sleep" gig. She chose to go to bed quite angry.


In the meantime, as I was walking around with wet hair and also trying to get ready. Tye was playing with a riding toy outside that Gabe wanted. I told Gage he had to take turns and Tye had it first. Hence Gabe had a tantrum in the driveway.


Mom was late. Shianne made it to her concert just in time. I talked to Svanna before I left, she said she didn't want to eat (the old if I don't do what I want it will punish mom gig). I didn't want her thinking I was leaving angry.


Then, understandably, she was upset because I was going with Shianne and Sierra and she was left home...again. She can't go to school (yet), she can't go to dance (yet), and life seems very unfair. A common language would help this tremendously!! I think that will help Svanna a lot. She is a great girl. A wonderful help who wants to do what's right. However parts of her world are just wrong at the moment.


Ok, looking at this post it's a lot more negative than I'd like! And things are going remarkably well. There are lots of joys, too! So here's just a little list of things I'm thankful for, that are going wonderfully:

• They've slept through the night from the first night on!! Svanna and Summer sleep together, but last night Summer wanted to sleep in her own bed. However...this morning she was with Svanna. But no crying and Mom and Dad didn't even know she moved until morning!


• Food has been going really well. Gabe is doing the best. Svanna usually says no to most foods...but then when she tries them she likes them (cuz she takes seconds!). Until the next day anyway. =) What a blessing that food hasn't been an issue! Amazing.


• They play nicely. And at times have been playing with their bros and sis'.


• They have a LOT to learn, but they are learning so fast. It's remarkable to watch them pick things up.

Praise be to God for all he has done!